we were 14. he was my boyfriend, he manipulated me, forced me to think that’s what love was, that i was alone and no one else would be around for apart from him. every day he would pressure me, guilt trip me with sayings like, this is what everyone does, ur not normal, you don’t love me, i’ll leave you, i’ll tell everyone we had sex (even though we didn’t). every day for weeks— until i finally gave in and sent pictures.

for weeks and months into our relationship he would get angry at me for not wanting to have sex, he would get moody and call me names, tell me i was useless and ugly and no one would ever want me. we would kiss and he would push and push at my head trying to force me to suck him off, and emotionally manipulate me everyday. he forced me to do it. he forced his finger into my ass and then after, laughed and said it was a joke and just a bit of fun. he was abusive for months on end, telling me that no one cared about me and that i had no one. and then i tried to leave.

threats after threats of sending the pictures to everyone, and he did, pictures i didn’t want to send in the first place. i would get spammed with messages everyday of being slut shamed saying it was my own fault they were out because i sent them. girls and boys telling me i was a slut, ugly and no one was gonna date me now. an instagram account was created using my first name where he and his friends would post pictures. i went to school and was bullied for it, being called names while all my friends left me for his side because it was my own fault. the school did nothing to help me.

he threatened to kill me and sent threats to my only friend i had left, and repeatedly called me names.

i felt suicidal for months on end.

it ruined my life. nothing happened to him. i spent years thinking it didn’t count as assault. i can’t do anything i want to do and i hate my body every time i see it because i think about this. the shame. i have nightmares, flashbacks to what happened.