Dear former friends,

Why is it up for debate if he is a perpetrator when he already made me his victim?

If I hear one more time how he is a good person… he obviously wasn’t one to me. You are not neutral, you are simply shitty friends. If you don’t want to take sides… you are taking sides. Because there is no way that you believe and understand what happened to me and keep being friends with him. There is no way that you are there for me when I have to explain why you should be mad at him. Either you believe me or you don’t. But don’t pretend that you have my best interest in mind when you question my reality when I’m already falling apart. You made this ten times worse for me. Don’t take the moral high ground on how you can’t judge, have to be neutral or can’t hate anybody while simultaneously silencing me. Be honest. You don’t wanna know. You don’t want to know that someone you care about is capable of doing something this horrible.

It's easier to think that I misunderstood something or am too sensitive because then the world is still a safe place. I hate to tell you, but it is NOT safe. Your friend, however lovely he is to you, hurt me beyond repair. He violated me, just because he felt like it and yet I’m the one who has to defend myself. I have no words for how disappointed I am. You know me! You know me and yet you don’t believe me. What am I supposed to think? When you tell me you don’t think he is capable of doing something like that… all you are really saying is… you are capable of lying, imagining things and ruining the life of someone innocent. What about my life? Why does he get to ruin my life but when I ask for accountability and protection I’m supposedly the one ruining his. As if speaking up about it isn’t causing me already enough pain. What reason should I have? What do you think I would gain from this? Do you think I enjoy losing friends and having the worst night of my life exposed, examined and up for debate? I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like someone asking intrusive questions about your sex life, so what makes you think that I have to tell you about mine, especially when it involves violence. I’m so mad at you! I wish you the best for the future and I’m really grateful for the friendship we had up to that point, but I never want to see you again. You couldn’t choose, so I did it for you. I choose me.